positivity

Oh no, it's been nearly a month and I haven't written. The kids are back to school, my class has started, I'm still struggling to figure out what to do about work, I wish we were locked down but we're not. Outside, corona is raging, and with over 1% of the Swiss population testing positive just in the last two weeks - with a test positivity rate around 25%, so actual infections are even higher than that - it seems increasingly unlikely that we'll avoid getting infected. Meanwhile, in the US, the election is raging, and I'm so sad that the country is so divided...but I can barely stand to speak civilly to my staunchly Republican father, which means I am Part of the Problem. "Part of the Problem" is how I feel about many things these days, I guess. Also, I'm chronically overstimulated. Sometimes in the morning, if I wake up before anyone else, I'll have a fleeting sense of floating in a calm sea, ready to roll with whatever the day brings. Then one or more family members claim my body for morning cuddles and I'm thrown back on land, heavy and exhausted and filled with existential dread. I know I should be grateful for the cuddles. I know I should be grateful for many things. I need to find my way back to center. I am so tired. Good night, and I hope I'll manage something more coherent soon!

there is a disturbing lack of red in the autumn leaves this year, but these pretty ones are blanketing the sidewalk in front of the house next to ours