discernment

No deep thought here, I just really love these tiles.

True confessions: Fribourg on Sunday was great, but the absolute highlight of the day happenend on the way there, when I switched trains in Aarau to one that according the train app was supposed to be quite full, then found myself in a near-empty carriage. The bliss of private train journeys! 

And the worst part of the day was the train ride back, because of course a bunch of the GCL ladies were heading the same direction and...it feels like one of the unwritten rules of Switzerland is that it is always better to travel in a group, or anyway I can't ever figure out how to politely extract myself from the small talk and sit alone. So the 2-hour trip from Fribourg to Bern to Zurich was long and awkward and I know they were being nice by trying to include me in the conversation but that just made things worse. Actual snippets:

"What do you do for work?"
"I don't...I'm home with my kids."
"Well what did you do before you moved to Switzerland? What were you trained for?"
"Um...science?"
(Huffily) "'Science' is not a job title."

And later:

"Ignatian spirituality is SO important to me, to you too?"
"Um...oh yes, very important..."

AAAAAH I KNOW! I suck! These are not interrogations, they're invitations to ask questions back! Or tell stories! Neither of which I can ever manage in the moment! And German is not the (main) problem!

I was so exhausted when I got home. Will I ever figure this out? Signs are not good.

But the point of all that, besides venting, is that I'm sure that the woman talking to me was left with the impression that I have not the first clue what "Ignatian spirituality" is, when in fact I just don't know the term means to her. And yes, I should have asked. Possibly related:

Four Books I Think Are Relevant Here, Part 3: Trust Your Feelings - Learning how to make choices with Ignatius of Loyola by Nikolaas Sintobin SJ

I got this book when I was on the search for an alternative to See-Judge-Act. The Jesuits are famous for "discernment" and at the very least discern is a verb that far more accurately describes how I think we should approach ethical problems. I heard Fr. Sintobin speak once and he seemed refreshingly clear and down to earth. And - bonus! - he's with me on the plain-language front:

This book is the fruit of decades of study, formation and personal experience in Ignatian discernment as presented in the Spiritual Exercises of Ignatius of Loyola. It is not a scholarly book but rather a practical guide, illustrated with many examples. Reading this book does not presuppose any prior knowledge of Ignatian spirituality.
I have therefore chosen to avoid all jargon. The reader will look in vain for technical words such as consolation, desolation, good spirit, evil spirit, enemy of human nature, sin, humility etc. It is true that this jargon makes it possible to express precise nuances and subtleties that ordinary language does not offer. However, experience has taught me that it often leads to confusion and misunderstanding among the uninitiated. Instead, I use expressions such as emotional foundations, inner life, positive and negative feelings, confrontation, receptivity etc. to express myself. They are not used as such by Ignatius of Loyola, but they seem to me to be more in tune with contemporary language and culture and therefore more appropriate.

Amen!

It's really a lovely little book, clear and practical and helpful. Discernment is personal, listening to the heart requires silence, regular practice helps, noticing (and if possible releasing) attachments is important, joy is the compass that shows us the way forward, intellectual analysis is important but secondary, the will is important but tertiary: if our hearts and minds aren't behind a decision, willpower won't take us very far.

And that's as much summarizing as I'll attempt here. My grand idea of comparing "Ignatian discernment" to "See-Judge-Act" in a paper fizzled out, because what exactly was I going to say? I think that learning to individually and collectively feel our way forward is far more important than yet more discourse around Values and Morality but ultimately maybe that's because I'm called to the former, and the latter is just not my bag. Writing a paper for an ethics instructor on why ethics is dumb is surely not a good use of anyone's time.

Two quotes and deep thoughts:

(1)

It is desirable that we let our inner life be inspired by the enormous experience and wisdom that humanity has acquired during its long history. People have been discerning for thousands of years. We have learned many lessons as a result. It is not necessary for each new generation and each person to reinvent the wheel. Music, literature, dance, film and other art forms can help sharpen and deepen the sensitivity of the heart.

I don't disagree at all, but this has been on my mind lately. I think in a lot of ways it *is* necessary for each new generation and each person to reinvent the wheel - or rediscover its utility, anyway. I want my kids to know that they have access to amazing teachers - living, dead, more-than-human, and divine. But whatever wisdom they acquire and whatever gifts they bring to the world will ultimately come through their own, very specific, very personal life experience, not from having the answers fed to them. There's a balancing act here.

(2)

It's good to get inner confirmation, but sometimes it isn't enough. A human being is more than their feelings and thoughts. They are also embodied and live in a specific place and time. They exist in the midst of a host of human relationships, whether in the family, in the Church or through professional or other commitments. These external realities form the objective world within which a person lives. A personal discernment must also be confirmed by the outside world if it is to be real and achievable. You do not discern in a vacuum.

Oh I so feel this one. It would be so handy if I could discern a call to stop writing now and go cook dinner but...yeah not so much. It would be so handy if I did *not* discern a call to learn more about community discernment because DEAR GOD: WHAT COMMUNITY?? At various points in the book Sintobin does insert gentle connections to Christianity, for example:

These four concrete tips [more prayer! more reflection! focus on the essential! be patient!] show how it is possible to turn the corner on negative feelings. For the Christian, this goes straight to the heart of Christian hope and faith. God never abandons us. He writes straight with our curved lines.

Which reminds me of William James (more on this another time):

Religion thus makes easy and felicitous what in any case is necessary.

Aaaand there are days when I feel like religion makes harder what is in any case difficult. But in as much as it is a space for wisdom practices old and new, I'm hanging in there.