grump

I am just. so. exhausted. and. grumpy. And I truly can't figure out why. Things are going ok! I went to the Rorate service early this morning and helped light candles and did not die of social exposure, then I took a long nap, we cleaned the house, we had a visit from our lovely Swiss-but-now-living-in-Canada friends, I got to see my choir sing again...and there's still one weekend day left.

Possibly my very favorite Christmas hymn in German:
https://weihnachten.tagesspiegel.de/ich-steh-deiner-krippen-hier/

And the translation of the word Wonne, which I kept running across in Christmas songs:
https://www.dict.cc/?s=wonne
I had to look around to find out that geh. means gehoben, which itself doesn't seem to have a good English translation: formal? elevated? fancy talk?

So there, I also learned something new today. What in the world could be wrong, then?

rain down

Habe ich schon mal gesagt, dass ich Weihnachtslieder liebe? Und Adventslieder, natürlich. Eigentlich gemeinsames Singen allgemein. Jedenfalls - heute fand der alljährliche ökumenisches Sing-Abend in der alte Reformierte Kirche in Altstetten statt. Und morgen um 06.15 Uhr (!!) ist Rorate-Feier. Was diese Veranstaltungen gemeinsam haben ist "O Heiland, reiss die Himmel auf", was ich übrigens gestern in der Pallottiner-Kapelle ganz alleine gesungen habe (und es hat wunderbar getönt!).

O Heiland, reiß die Himmel auf,
herab, herab vom Himmel lauf.
Reiß ab vom Himmel Tor und Tür,
reiß ab, wo Schloß und Riegel für!

O Gott, ein’ Tau vom Himmel gieß,
im Tau herab, o Heiland, fließ!
Ihr Wolken, brecht und regnet aus
den König über Jakobs Haus.

O Erd’, schlag aus, schlag aus, o Erd’,
daß Berg und Tal grün alles werd’!
O Erd’, herfür dies Blümlein bring,
o Heiland, aus der Erden spring!

Wo bleibst du, Trost der ganzen Welt,
darauf sie all’ ihr’ Hoffnung stellt?
O komm, ach komm vom höchsten Saal,
komm, tröst uns hier im Jammertal!

O klare Sonn’, du schöner Stern,
dich wollten wir anschauen gern.
O Sonn’, geh auf, ohn’ deinen Schein
in Finsternis wir alle sein!

Hier leiden wir die größte Not,
vor Augen steht der ewig’ Tod:
Ach komm, führ uns mit starker Hand
vom Elend zu dem Vaterland!

Da wollen wir all’ danken dir,
unserem Erlöser, für und für.
Da wollen wir all’ loben dich
je allzeit immer und ewiglich!

Have I mentioned that I like Christmas songs? And Advent songs? And group singing in general? Yeah, anyway, tonight was the annual Christmas and Advent sing-along at the old church in Altstetten. And tomorrow at 6:15 am (!!) is the Rorate service. And what these two things have in common is "O Heiland, reiss die Himmel auf," which incidentally I also sang all alone yesterday in the chapel in Morschach (and it sounded fabulous!). Here's a translation, but I feel like it doesn't do the song any justice. Better to go direct to the source:

Drop down, ye heavens, from above,
and let the skies pour down righteousness:
let the earth open,
and let them bring forth salvation,
and let righteousness spring up together;
I the Lord have created it.
- Isaiah 45, 8 (KJV)

frische Luft

Diese Woche bin ich irgendwann auf die Frage "was braucht jetzt dein Körper?" gestossen. Und mein Körper berichtete, das er etwas Anstrengung brauchte. Ich wollte seit Langem den Weg der Schweiz fertig wandern und hatte nur die Strecke Sisikon-Morschach übrig, und gestern Abend habe ich festgestellt, dass ich heute genug Zeit hätte, dorthin und zurück zu fahren bevor ich zuhause sein musste. Also los...

At some point this week I encountered the question, "what does your body need?" So I asked, and my body reported that it needed some activity. For a long time I've wanted for to finish the Weg der Schweiz / Swiss Path, and I only had the section between Sisikon and Morschach left, and yesterday I figured out that I would indeed have enough time to take the train there and back before I had to be home. So this morning after therapy, off I went...

Nicht gerade der schönste Wandertag, dafür war ich mutterseelenallein und könnte beim aufsteigen beliebig schnaufen.
Not exactly the best day ever for a hike, but nobody was around so I could pant like a dog climbing the hill.

And it was not un-pretty, even with the fog.
Und der Weg war gar nicht unschön, auch im Nebel.

Obligatorisches Wegweiser-Bild
The obligatory hiking sign picture.

Move along...
Weitergehen, Leute...

...hier gibt es nichts zu sehen.
...nothing to see here.

I don't understand this plaque (something about watersheds) but the water marks on the copper are beautiful.
Ich verstehe dieses Plakat nicht (hat etwas mit Wasserscheiden zu tun) aber die Wasserstriche auf dem Kupfer sind wunderschön.

In Morschach habe ich meine Lieblingskappelle besucht.
In Morschach I visited my favorite chapel.

...and spent some time with Mary, who told me to stop multitasking. So I took a nap on the train home.
...und etwas Zeit mit Maria verbracht habe. Ich soll mit dem Multitasking aufhören. Demnach habe ich im Zug nach Hause geschlafen.

PS - I found a nice online Advent calendar here, and today's entry was this poem, which seems appropriate.

genii

Ok, tonight it's not gonna work with the German. My friend Kathrin introduced me to Gayle Tufts and I so wish I had the guts to run around speaking Denglish...

I think all day about what I want to write, but when after-the-kids-are-in-bed finally comes, I often can't string a single coherent thought together. Maybe I need to take better notes?

I did manage to finish "Religion for Atheists" tonight. In the end, I liked it. Yes, it tended towards the broad-brush vision and was short on details - but for that, de Botton's vision just seems so...sane. Though I'm still not quite sure I understand why we would have to build secular institutions and erect secular temples rather than transforming the (atrophying) institutions and (underused) buildings we already have into places where modern, educated humans feel understood and nurtured rather than judged and held back. It's a matter of taking our religion less seriously and our fellow humans more seriously, I think. And hey, I've always been bad at taking things seriously ("flippant," was the word my undergrad thesis advisor used), so maybe I really do have a role to play here, ha.

Also, I thought this was interesting, and I wonder if it's true?

Among the more intriguing features of Imperial Roman religion was that it not only provided for the worship of cosmopolitan gods such as Juno and Mars....but also allowed for the reverence of a panoply of local deities, whose personalities reflected the character, either topographical or cultural, of their native regions. These protective spirits, known as genii locorum, were given temples of their own and developed reputations - which sometimes drew travellers to them from afar - for being able to cure a variety of ailments of the mind and body. ...
Like so much else that seems sensible about Roman religion, the tradition of the genius loci was absorbed by Christianity, which made comparable connections between specific localities and their curative powers, though it chose to talk of shrines rather than temples, and of saints instead of spirits. The map of medieval Europe was dotted with holy sites, many of them built upon Roman foundations, which promised to grant the faithful relief from their physical and mental ills via contact with assorted body parts of dead Christian saints.

moon

Und heute, eine ganz profaner Beitrag von meinem lieben Sohn.

Ich weiss gar nicht, was ich darüber denken soll?

and today...a decidedly more profane contribution from my dearest son:

Moon, moon shine.
The moon drinks too much wine.
And also eats some swine.
He drunken-dances in the dark,
and laughs and laughs and laughs.

only the last two lines rhyme in German.

Not sure what to make of this?

Buchstabieren

2. Dezember: Eine theologische Reflexion aus dem Kopf des Neunjährigen. Gott - hier als fliegende Herz dargestellt - bricht in die Welt an und macht die traurigen Geister fröhlich. Oder so etwas. Ich habe keine weitere Erklärung bekommen, weil der Künstler beleidigt war, dass ich sein "Gott" als "Goof" gelesen habe. (Doppelbuchstaben. So mühsam.)

December 2nd: a(nother) theological reflection from the 9-year-old brain. God - pictured here as a flying heart - explodes into the world and makes the tortured spirits happy. Or something like that. I didn't get any further explanation because the artist was offended that I asked what "Goof" meant (Clearly Gott/God. Spelling is so tedious.)

Die Liebe bricht an, und/oder aus.

1. Advent

Ich habe mich gestern beschlossen, meine Beiträge in den Advent (auch) auf Deutsch zu erfassen. Das heisst: Sie werden kurz. Und wahrscheinlich voller Grammatikfehler in beiden Sprachen. Aber trotzdem...los geht's.

Gestern ist es mit dem Kleinkindergottesdienst gut gegangen...hoffe ich mindestens? Die Vorstellung von der Adventszeit als eine Zeit, in der wir die Spannung zwischen schon-jetzt und noch-nicht besonders tief erfahren, zieht mich an. Das Christentum ist in diesem Sinne eine Religion des wahnsinnigen Optimismus: Das Reich Gottes, eine Herrschaft von Frieden, Gerechtigkeit, und Liebe, ist schon vor 2000 Jahre ausgebrochen. Und ist immer noch nicht ganz angekommen. Aber wir glauben doch, dass es noch kommt? Hmm. Zum Beispiel: In der Kirche hoffe ich auf die Gleichstellung von Mann und Frau, auf eine Wandlung vom Belehren zum Zuhören, auf kooperative Wege. Am Sonntag haben wir es geschafft: die Stühle in der Seitenkapelle etwas umzustellen, damit wir es gemütlicher mit den Kindern hatten. Eine kleine Kerze gegen die ganze Dunkelheit? Willkommen in der Adventszeit.

I decided yesterday that I'd try writing my blog posts for Advent in German (and English too). So...they'll be short. And probably full of grammatical errors in both languages. But here goes anyway.

The kids' service yesterday went pretty well...I hope? I'm taken by this idea of Advent as a time when we feel the tension between already-here and not-yet-arrived particularly acutely. From this perspective, Christianity is a religion of insane optimism: God's kingdom of justice, peace, and love is supposed to have appeared in the world 2,000 years ago...but it's still not here yet. And yet we believe that it's still coming? Hmm. For example: I hope for a church in which men and women are treated equally, in which we indoctrinate less and listen more, in which we work cooperatively. On Sunday we: rearranged the chairs in the side chapel so that we had a cozier space for the kids. One candle against the darkness? Welcome to Advent.

ziemlich radikal...oder auch nicht

a happy day

Five (wait, or six?) years ago now I experienced one of those waves of feeling very desperate and thinking: something has to change here. I'd seen posters for the gospel choir in Albisrieden[1] and fully intended to go to one of their concerts, but between one thing and another, I hadn't ever made it. Then I was downtown one day and a "gospel choir" was singing in front of the Grossmunster. I am using quotation marks here because this group was by any measure very bad. Enthusiastic, maybe, but off key, no rhythm, dreadful pronunciation...there are good gospel choirs and bad gospel choirs and there are American gospel choirs and European gospel choirs aaaand...then there was this group. This actually gave me some confidence: I have no talent but if this is the standard we're aiming for, I thought, maybe I too could sing in one of these "gospel" choirs, and not make things any worse? The next time there was an open rehearsal in Albisrieden, I was there.

My point is, I started singing with my choir a bit sight-unseen. And standing in the choir looking out at the audience at our various concerts, I always wondered: how does this really sound? I mean, I don't think we're as bad as that group I saw downtown, but...??

Which is all to say that today, for the first time ever, because I'm taking a year off choir this year so I can take my classes on Thursday nights, I got to see Gospelchor Albisrieden in concert. And guess what? It was great! Maybe not professional-great, but that hardly matters: it was easy on the ears and fun to listen to. The love and enthusiasm of the director, the comfortable group dynamic, the fact that everyone is there because they love to sing - all completely visible to the audience. So cool. I felt proud to be a once-and-future choir member. And very lucky, because if I'd seen them in concert before I joined I'm not sure I ever would have been brave enough to try it. I guess I'll just go ahead and add that terrible choir in front of Grossmunster to the list of things I'm thankful for.


[1] Albisrieden is the Zurich neighborhood right next to Altstetten, where we live; in fact officially we live within spitting distance of the Altstetten-Albisrieden border and oh yes, this does matter.

projection

I can't remember whether I've said this here or not, doesn't matter, it bears repeating because I've been thinking about it a lot: the problem with these theology classes is that, where before when I encountered a concept I had trouble with, I'd think, "oooh, well, that one's hard for me, but I have so little background in this stuff, maybe it makes sense in some way that I don't understand yet," now I increasingly just think, "NO THAT'S WRONG STOP SAYING IT." Which...is maybe a case of a little knowledge being a dangerous thing? A sign of me growing older and getting set in my ways? I mean, it's good to have your assumptions challenged, right? But also, well, frustrating. Particularly as it's all mostly in my head, as arguing out loud rarely brings me anything but more frustration. Which I suppose is why this blog is important: it lets me get this stuff off my chest in a way that is theoretically public, but without much danger of me actually being challenged back. Yeah, well. Anyway.

There's this centering exercise, which may or may not have originated with Richard Rohr, that involves praying (singing, in my case) the following sentences, slowly, in succession:

Be still and know that I am God.

Be still and know that I am.

Be still and know.

Be still.

Be.

This is from Psalm 46, and it's supposed to help us become present to what is and let go of all those things we can't control - put them in the hands of God, who's got our backs - because anyway...wait for it...we can't control them. An excellent plan.

And there's our book for the Thursday night class, which...tends to set me off by presenting its arguments in black and white when I think there should be a lot more gray involved. 

Example 1

"We believe that God revealed himself once and for all eternity in the person of Jesus Christ."

Aaaack. No. Just stop. Your theology needs to explicitly address the billions of people who do not share your religion. And not by claiming that God forgot about them or created them simply as a missionary project for you.

Try instead: "We Christians base our ideas about God on the teachings of Jesus of Nazareth and the experiences of his disciples."

Example 2

The book makes a (imho) goofy argument about God and false gods, where one can identify a false god using the criteria in Psalm 115:4-7: 

Their idols are silver and gold,
     The work of man’s hands.
They have mouths, but they cannot speak;
They have eyes, but they cannot see;
They have ears, but they cannot hear;
They have noses, but they cannot smell;
They have hands, but they cannot feel;
They have feet, but they cannot walk;
They cannot make a sound with their throat.

Now as it happens, Caroline has to read a classic book of Greek myths for German class, and as she is not an enthusiastic reader, I've been reading them to her. And I gotta say, those Greek gods seem to have perfectly good eyes and ears and noses and hands and feet. Sometimes far more than the usual number! We may well claim (hope) that our God is the life-giving one, the god that will help us live a good and fulfilled life, but it's a big mistake to go around believing that those other gods don't have power.

Example 3

Here's another way to identify false gods. False gods are projections of human interests. For example, the reigning powers in the Mesopotamian region had big, violent gods: clearly big, violent gods which were projections of - and support for - big, violent rulers. That's projection, not God. 

But the God of Israel, a relatively small nomadic people, THAT God fought on the side of the powerless. Unexpected! Therefore, the true God!

The wait what? I mean isn't it clear enough that the God of Israel is *also* a projection - a projection of a people who are constantly under the thumb of various invading powers? 

And why would this be a problem? Surely we're at the point where we can all agree that in as much as God exists, God is bigger than anything we can comprehend. So, yes, God/gods is by necessity a projection of things we do know and can comprehend. Soylent Green is people! God is us! The goal here isn't to find The Truth, so that when we die we'll get a gold medal for getting the right answer. The goal is to find our truth, so that we can live as the people we want to be. And if the God of a nomadic people - the one who fights on the side of the powerless - is who we want to become, then great, let's gather strength from the traditions and stories that grew up around that. But even more important than that: let's take the time to stop, and look at who we are, and think about who we want to become. 

Be still, and know that we are God.

Thanksgiving

I didn't manage any kind of Thanksgiving meal this year, so it was just Thursday pizza night as usual here. I did manage to bake a sort of pumpkin pie. I couldn't be bothered to get out the pie tin, so I used the tart pan; and also the crust wasn't ideal because I used a store-bought dough that was sitting around in the fridge. But the end result was...at least identifiable as a pumpkin-pie-like dessert. I'll probably end up eating most of it. No complaints.

Some of the other things I'm thankful for today, in approximate order of appearance:

• our apartment (it's messy, but it's home)
• heat
• cuddles in the morning
• two healthy kids
• a hot shower
• my hair
• therapy
• time to drink a coffee and think deep thoughts after therapy
• the optometrist, who helped me feel better about having to order bifocals by rejecting many of the frame options with the phrase "maybe you can wear that in 20 years...you're just not that old yet"
• one of my work colleagues, who dragged me along to lunch at the church-Thursday-lunch-thing. Because it was fleischkäse, which is yummy. (The dictionary says "meatloaf" but fleischkäse is more like what would happen if a hot dog took steroids and shedded its casing.)
• surviving a table conversation without major embarassment
• that I found all three things I went to work looking for
• some quality alone time this afternoon, after I gave up on the prospect of reading for class
• the fact that my dearest husband made the pizzas when I had to go to class because I was off on the timing due to the pumkin-pie-like dessert
• and that he took it upon himself to skype my parents with the kids while I was gone
• and did all the dishes
• and made me a Birchermüesli for playgroup tomorrow
• (Remember how I was annoyed at him the other day? There are in fact good reasons why I married him!)
• that I got to go to class. Even though it gives me high blood pressure. Because even the things that annoy me make me think.
• that I get to write this blog
• my hot water bottle
• and our cozy bed

And most definitely of all for my friends, those who read this blog and those I can go out for a coffee with and those who are far away but near to my heart. I love you all. 💕