Fried-day

These things are true about playgroup:
(1) I dread it.
(2) I get through it.
(3) And then I am a bundle of raw nerves for the rest of the day.

I thought at the beginning that the question was, can I even do this? And the answer to that is yes, I can do it. Sure, in some areas (ooh let's name a random one, SMALL TALK?) I suck, and it seems like literally anyone else on the planet could do a better job, but I do show up every week and I prepare a welcoming and non-judgemental space, and the parents who come seem to value it, and a remarkable number of the little kids get really excited about going to up to the church to sing and light candles, which I feel good about (though let's face it, who doesn't get excited about singing and lighting candles?).

But there's that other question, do I want to do this? The answer to that is yes, in that I want to do something worthwhile and I think this is worthwhile. And yes, in that having a key to church means a great deal to me and my foolhardy Swiss integration project, and at the moment neither I nor anyone else can see another job at church that fits me. And no, in that surely I have other talents that aren't being efficiently used here. Also no, in that maybe (1) and (3) above are telling me something?

Feels like round and round with the same old issues, must try to remember that life is a labyrinth and trust the Spaghetti Monster that somehow, somewhere, progress is being made.