headache

Daniel is away and Christopher was sick today so I had to skip both my therapy appointment and my class tonight. Waaaah. Of course I'll live. I hope he's better enough tomorrow morning to come with me to church while I set up for playgroup. And I hope that Caroline doesn't catch whatever it was, not least because she's a hormonal mess as it is. Also I hope I can get out with them and do some fun-ish things this weekend. Lots of hoping going on here.

In what brain space I could muster today I was thinking about my list from yesterday: how the positive things on it are for the most part concrete and practical, and the negative ones largely sweeping generalizations. Of course women work in Switzerland, of course not everyone is racist, and goodness knows I shouldn't be throwing stones about communication... Underneath all that is a great deal of diffuse frustration about fundamentally not fitting in, and...not wanting to face the fact that these going-on-nine years of trying to put down roots are very likely going to end in having to rip everything up and start again somewhere else. I know a significant part of the solution lies in making a home within my own skin and gracefully walking my own meandering path. And I'm working on that. Some days more successfully than others.