protestants and witches

Last week I took the train to Neuchâtel to visit the American woman I met all the way back in May at a GCL gathering. Which seems far away but - news flash - Switzerland is not a big country, so I managed to get there, have a lovely lunch with her, and get back before the kids got home from school. She told me about a conversation with one of her English-tutoring clients where she had to explain that there's a huge difference between the American concept of "friend" and the Swiss one. An American will point across the room and say "that's my friend" about someone she met two minutes ago (and mean it!); in Switzerland a friend is ideally someone you went to school with - or in any case, friendship-forming is a years-long process that may not even be possible over the age of 20.

Which is to say that on Sunday morning I went to church and it just felt...awful. Like, I've been going here for eight years now, I work here for goodness' sake, and yet there is not a soul who cares whether I'm here this morning. It was like that time I had a shitty job and came back from a week away to find I had zero emails and no one had missed me. I've tried to make this work. I probably have to face the fact that it isn't working and won't ever work. But what is exactly is "it"? This particular job or Switzerland in general? Or both? And what do I do about it?

I spent the day in bed.

In the evening, in a long-shot attempt to cheer myself up, I took the train to Winterthur (Zürich's industrial but more chill sister city, kind of like...Tacoma?) to go to church again. Because there's a pastor there who works for the normal Swiss protestant church but is also American and decided to start a monthly service in English. It was worth the trip. If only to hear from someone who is exceptionally well-integrated that the need to speak English and make friends - in the American sense - is perfectly normal...

And on Friday night I was invited to Gina's house to celebrate the Wiccan ritual of Samhain, which was friendly and intense at the same time. I love Gina's knack for being serious about her rituals without taking them too seriously, if that makes any sense. And I think...well I don't think what god (if any) we worship matters nearly as much as the coming together and facing hard things and working on becoming the best versions of ourselves.

Which will, by definition, always be a work in progress. So, onwards, I guess.