truth

Today I was supposed to notice when I was lying (first element of right speech: tell the truth). But lying, as my kids can tell you, is not something I am at all fond of...so I don't do it much (at least consciously?)...and also maybe today wasn't the best day for noticing myself being less than truthful because we were home the whole day and there wasn't much to lie about. I did spend an hour with a toothbrush and soft scrub cleaning the grout in the shower, and when I was getting a bucket of water to rinse I accidentally splashed some water on the floor, and screamed in frustration, and Dan called from the other room, "are you ok?" and I screamed back "NO. I. AM. NOT. OKAY." and that was partly a lie, because I was physically fine?

Funnily, the only other recently example of lying that I could think of while cleaning the grout also has to do with being fine. One of my German teachers was very anxious to teach us this lesson: if someone asks, "wie geht's?" you are always supposed to answer "gut, danke, und dir?" Always? Always. Anything other than "I'm fine, and you?" is an imposition on the asker and the truth of "how's it going?" is only ever shared - at the beginning of a conversation, at least - with one's very close friends. I've had trouble with this at work lately. People ask me how I'm doing and I'm bursting to answer truthfully, something along the lines of "nothing's seriously wrong, but I'd really love to run out that door and never come back, you?" But I'm not quite brave enough to try it.

I do have trouble nailing down the truth, which I suppose is a related problem. I feel like I've spend an exceedingly large amount of time trying to find answers to everyday questions like "where are you from?" and "what do you do for work?" that feel honest, rather than like oversimplified betrayals of my own ridiculously conflicted history and thoughts about these things.

Anyway. Truth: We're taking the kids to a water park tomorrow. Where I will undoubtedly have ample opportunities to observe myself struggling with tomorrow's assignment: not exaggerating.