I had planned to celebrate yesterday by going to a lecture about women in the Germanic tribes, but it got cancelled as a coronavirus prevention measure, so I ended up just going to a meeting in the morning and to class in the evening. With celebratory goodies both places, of course, but I still feel like some kind of a proper celebration is in order. I'll give myself a rain check until the covid-19 stuff is over; June maybe?
Work today was awful. It feels very like the period just before I quit my job at the-company-formerly-known-as-Diagnostic-Ultrasound, when I was trying (really, trying) to keep myself busy and useful but as far as the boss was concerned, I was sitting in my cubicle eating bonbons all day and wasting his money. For a long time I was convinced that I was a failure for not making that job work, but beating myself up about it did no good, it was just a failure. That job wasn't a good fit for me. This job is also not a good fit. In both cases I hoped that even if the boss couldn't see the point of me, my co-workers could find something to like and we could build on that. But now, even more than then, it seems highly unlikely that that's going to happen. In case anyone was wondering: cultural differences are a real and exhausting thing.
This sounds like depressed ranting and it is, and tomorrow is another day and everything will be fine. I've been keeping myself afloat with to-do lists; it's high time I made another one and started working through it. Because list-making is totally a skill that I have. There, I've even found a compliment.
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| Soup it is. |
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