This week, since the kids didn't need help with schoolwork, I thought I'd buckle down and get caught up with my classes. Long story short: that hasn't happened. There's still another week of spring break, so theoretically it *could* still happen, but I have to admit that the chances are slim.
[This means my dream of completing the four-year program, at least any time soon, is probably dead. I do have a fantasy rescue scenario involving cancelling our trip to Seattle this summer and going to the two week-long residential versions of the courses instead. Two whole weeks of not cooking, not cleaning, not parenting, just trying to study and going for long walks! It would be glorious! and probably also miserable! But will the residential courses even happen? And what would the kids do during these two weeks? And how exactly would I justify cancelling our trip to Seattle, bar travel restrictions doing it for me? Chances here, also slim.]
Yesterday the Swiss government announced its plan for loosening the lockdown conditions here. Elementary schools are set to start again on May 11, other gatherings remain forbidden for the foreseeable future. Immediately after the press conference my partner at work sent me a text to the effect of "well, that means our events on May 8 and May 10 are cancelled..."
I'm torn about this. Part of me wants to say look, work-partner, frankly I was happy when everything got shut down a few weeks ago because I was anxious and nervous and not in a place to deal with anything. But events like ours are going to be banned for a while. Instead of throwing up our hands and cancelling, shouldn't we be re-thinking these events so people can participate remotely? Or thinking about what else we could be doing to support the families in our parish during this time?
But another part of me says look, self, when everything got shut down a few weeks ago you wanted nothing more than to write your resignation letter. Yes, maybe you could contribute something here, but more likely it would be another exercise in beating your head against a wall, AND ALSO, if you can't even find two hours a day to catch up on your reading, when do you think you're going to be doing this?
Confession: I have been doing one online course, and more or less even keeping up with it - Cynthia Bourgeault's Wisdom School. It's...well I'm not 100% with her on everything, but gist so far seems to be that wisdom comes with serenity, and serenity comes with letting go, and letting go comes when you consciously slow down and throw all your productivity goals to the wind and re-imagine whatever "work" you're doing as nothing more and nothing less than a regular practice - regularly interrupted by "prayer" which is even less productivity-oriented and simply a different kind of regular practice, with the idea being that between "work" and "prayer" and "togetherness" and "aloneness" you consciously seek the balance which is right for your body, mind, and heart.
And that's nudging me in the direction of just let it go, events cancelled, theology classes on hold until further notice, don't fight it. Get out of bed, have some breakfast, try to spend ten good minutes with each kid today, put one foot in front of the other, and have faith that, in the immortal words Alice and the Cheshire Cat, "you're sure to get somewhere...if you only walk long enough."
Speaking of which...
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| My high school yearbook is in deep storage (if not already eaten by rats) but a classmate (thanks Carrie!) sent me this picture of my page this week. The more things change, the more they stay the same... |
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| Because my second high school was a fancy girls' school we didn't just have pictures in the gym, but a session with a real portrait photographer. Which is to say that this is a VERY generous picture. I looked infinitely more awkward than this in high school. I remember being so happy that this yearbook picture made me look like I half fit in with the beautiful girls I went to school with. |
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